handsheld

[ Lacus is silent for a moment. This question requires a moment of self-reflection to answer. ]

I think it did. I would have preferred for it to be at a time and place of my choosing, but I knew that eventually I would have to let the tears flow so I won't suffocate on them.

[ He settles down into the sand near her, not properly sitting but more in a crouch. ]

You can't pick a lotta things. So roll with what you got and what you need, no matter what that is.

[ This feels... almost like support, doesn't it? Coming to see her, asking how she's doing... After all that happened with Lobelia, Lacus is a fool to find comfort in it, but she smiles thinly nevertheless. ]

That is certainly good advice. For tonight, I'll allow myself to mourn, even if it is a man not considered worth mourning.

[ A slight nod. ]

Cuz he was screwed up in the head?

... blunt as always.

[ Is this a way to talk about the departed? But she nods. ]

He caused a lot of hurt to many people here. I can't fault them for their anger.

[ He grins a bit at that. He sure is. ]

I never spoke to him really. It was kinda fun to watch until the whole revival thing. Then it just reminded me of a guy who gets on my nerves. No one likes a grind 'specially when you don't even get any good loot at the end.

But why care 'bout what everyone else thinks anyway?

[ At least someone was having fun with the show - Lobelia would probably be pleased by that. He did so like to be praised. ]

They have their own burdensome feelings to come to terms with right now - there's no need to complicate matters for them... nor for myself.

[ A beat. ]

I don't regret having been his friend.

What was in it for you? In bein' his friend.

[ He just continues to be like this. ]

[ Lacus answers with a question, because she also can't help being herself. ]

Have you ever met somebody who took one look at you and understood you right away?

My Master looked at me when no one else would.

[ That's not quite the same, it might be more, but he won't explain without being prompted. ]

[ There's the ominous 'Master' again. What a lonely way of meeting such a person. ]

Did he accept what he saw?

Right away. Before I even understood myself. He reached out to me when no one would look at me, let alone touch me. He took me in without an ounce of fear or disgust.

Everyone else just told themselves that I was someone else's problem. That a hero would come to take care of me, but they took one look at me and didn't want anything to do with me or convinced themselves that they had something better to do.

I was a mess yeah, with bits of my family under my nails and my own blood caked on my skin. But I was five.

[ Lacus had suspected as much since they talked about his quirk awakening, so there is no real shock in the confirmation that his family fell victim to an ability that none of them could have expected. There's just heavy sadness, because Lacus remembers being five years old and losing her mother, through no fault of her own, and how that hurt. She cannot begin to comprehend how Tomura must have felt. ]

Tomura...

[ There is nothing she can say to such a story that wouldn't sound trite, so after a moment of pause, she decides to return to the topic. ]

... what I shared with Lobelia may have been like a fragment of that experience. He looked right at me, past the facades.

[ He doesn't mind, and she should know him well enough by now that he doesn't expect any pity. The memory of all that is light nowadays, airy, just like his stark white hair. ]

So like my allies then. We accept each other even if we're all insane in different ways.

[ .... ]

I've lost one of them before you know, Big Sis Magne. [ That might be funny to hear from his mouth but it's what she wanted to be called and it's what she was, and it's said with endearment. ]

It was my fault, I should've seen it coming. But what are you gonna do now that he's gone?

[ So that's what the 'allies' are. Lacus thinks she understands Shigaraki a lot better with this - the feeling Lobelia inspired in her, that embrace of acceptance... Yes, certainly, such a group would mean the world to you. ]

... I'll carry the memory of his sound with me, into my chosen future. It's all I can do, no?

[ Lobelia had wanted this for her, too. There is no better way to honor him than to remain as she was, his antithesis. ]

No.

Do you think that's all I did after he took Big Sis Magne from us? I paid him back and took everything from him, cuz that's what she was to us. She wasn't just a piece on a Shogi board and I wasn't gonna be satisfied with just a life for a life like he was.

[ Given their proximity she'll feel it more than she did last time, the very way his hatred and raw energy seep into the air. ]

So I'll ask you again: 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙙𝙤?

[ Ah. Lacus turns in the sand, so she can look at him more directly - even despite the way her hair stands on end at the sight of that glimmer in his eyes. It's hard to stand being close to him sometimes, and that in itself makes her want to get closer and breathe it in, until she understands completely and yet is still standing. In that regard, what she feels for Tomura and what she felt for Lobelia aren't dissimilar. ]

... you're right. It's not that it is all I can do, it's that it is what I have decided to do.

[ She appreciates that he called this out to her, dragged her out of feeling merely resigned to an inescapable fate. ]

Who am I to hate for this? Vergilius, for making Lobelia fall in love? Beelzebub, for being the one to give the cue for the beginning of the end? You, for ending his beloved misery? Your 'partner' and you again, for bringing us here? I won't.

If I think about Lobelia and I, then I may owe you and this island a debt of gratitude for allowing the miracle of our friendship in the first place. The nature of our bond does not require vengeance. It would be the greatest disgrace to his memory if I became anything less than the person he has come to admire - and it would be a disgrace to myself.

That's better.

[ The energy drops just like that, intentional or not. ]

It's 'bout what you want, what you need to be your real self. It doesn't need to be any more complicated than that.

[ For just a short moment, all Lacus can do is breathe. Inhale, exhale. Feel the sand under her legs and the air on her skin. Ground herself.

Then she smiles, warmly. ]

You're good at this.

Eh? [ He shifts a bit to pick up a handful of sand that he then lets slip through his fingers. ]

I'm a leader you know, even if it took me a while to rank up this skill.

You're not really motivating your group right now, though.

[ Which is why the idea of leadership skill didn't even cross her mind. It felt more like she was being cheered up by a friend... and that is a dangerous line of thought to follow. ]

Why did you come here tonight?

I've seen that look before, so I knew you were in your head. And cuz I wanted to.

[ It's an easy response even if the situation isn't really one. But that's just how Shigaraki is. ]

[ The last time they talked about touching, Lacus had not really wanted to. She'd been scared, still, even as she was willing to take that gamble.

Right now, she'd like to take his hand and the only reason she refrains from it is the knowledge that her desire for contact is not mirrored. ]

... thank you. I'm glad that you're here. I feel better for it.

Stop talkin' so seriously. [ It's not a strong pushback all things considered, as in the next moment he reaches over and just pokes her in the forehead. ]

--ah?

[ That was unexpected, but not unwelcome in the slightest. Her smile widens a little. ]

My, I'm afraid being a little sentimental is just part of my real self though!

/

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cw; gore ig

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